In the October “Halloween Spooktacular” issue of the Bathroom Minutes, we wrote about terrifying and painful surgeries from eras past that could have been pulled straight from a horror film. We’re looking at you, hemorrhoid cauterization.
But, thankfully, not everything that happens in a hospital is as stomach-turning. Once in awhile the hardworking doctors and nurses who work the ER see cases that are less like a scene from Re-animator, and more like an outtake from Young Frankenstein—such as these funny “ER horror stories” we’ve collected from Reddit below.
A lady was all gorked out on drugs and alcohol and was passed out on a gurney late one night in the ER. We had the lights dimmed and all was generally quiet. Every so often she would awaken and sing at the top of her lungs, “Doooon’ttt cryyyy foooor meeeee Argentiiiina!” That was 20-plus years ago and it still cracks me up.
As an army combat medic I’ve done a few rotations in base ERs. Best patient I ever had was someone who came in for hurt feelings. Someone yelled at her for being an idiot and as a result she felt faint, and thought it was ER-worthy. Meanwhile she was taking up a bed the dude in the waiting room uncontrollably sh**ing himself could’ve used.
Nurse here—I work in another department but managed to injure myself on shift a few weeks back. I decided to drag myself to Accident & Emergency at 4 am instead of having a break, where I was privileged to witness two chaps breaking into the alcohol hand gel dispensers and drinking from them. Apparently this is a regular occurrence.
I’m a recently graduated RN working as a nurse assistant for the time being. I had a patient last night whose chief complaint was ‘when I fart, it takes my breath away.’ One of the better nursing notes I’ve come across.
Earwax. Patient felt he had too much of it, wanted the doctor to clean it out.