Nature’s Most Magnificent Facial Hair

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We humans think we’re kings of the facial hair world, but one look at these handsome beasts proves otherwise.

Photo by Eric Kilby

Style:
The overgrown goatee.
As modeled by:
The lumbering Bornean Orangutan.
A human with this facial hair is most likely:
Working security outside of a strip club.

Photo by Brocken Inaglory

Style:
The elaborately coiffed ‘stash.
As modeled by:
The ever-dignified Emperor Tamarin.
A human with this facial hair is most likely:
Running an eccentric German beer hall.

Photo by Olaf Oliviero Riemer

Style:
The handlebar mustache.
As modeled by:
The slick Inca Tern.
A human with this facial hair is most likely:
Dealing cheap speed in the back room of a biker bar.

Photo by Megapixie

Style:
The luxuriantly bushy ‘stash.
As modeled by:
The fleshy walrus.
A human with this facial hair is most likely:
Contemplating war with Prussia.

Photo by Matt Clancy

Style:
The neck beard.
As modeled by:
The fearsome pogona.
A human with this facial hair is most likely:
Commenting angrily in an economic policy subreddit.