A Quick-And-Easy Taint Grooming Guide

Every taint deserves some lovin’.

A Quick-And-Easy Taint Grooming Guide

Ahem, cue sad music: Every hour, a taint is abandoned and forgotten. They suffer alone, hidden away in the dark, dripping with incessant moisture. They wait… and wait for someone (anyone) to care for them.

But today, we’re rescuing that often overlooked patch of skin cramped between your naughtiest (and probably least neglected) bits. Today, we’re giving that humid forest that you call your taint the makeover it deserves.

If you need more reason to pay your taint extra attention, consider this: The apocrine glands found in your groin produce a particularly smelly variation of sweat when mixed with bacteria. That untouched jungle sprouting from your taint exacerbates this smell, providing an additional surface for bacteria to cling onto, creating more opportunities for a nasty stench to develop. Worse yet, the hair absorbs the foul odor, allowing the smell to stick around long after it should have packed it in and gone home.

Now that you’re fully convinced, here’s how to manscape your taint, according to Melanie Mari, owner and trained manscaper at Bare Skin Studio:

Step #1: Stretch your ball sack upward, toward your belly button.
Step #2: If it’s incredibly hairy (it will be), use electric clippers without the guard.
Step #3: Apply a thin layer of shave butter.
Step #4: Lift one leg up onto the tub (or toilet) and carefully shave with a razor.

As always, finish with a post-shave balm, since the skin below the belt is extra sensitive and prone to irritation.

Well, you did it: You saved yet another taint from the horrors of neglect.

You, sir, should be proud of yourself.